Coping
by ticktickticktock
Summary: With Kurt in New York and the stresses of life bearing down on him, Blaine begins to cope in the only way he knows how. WARNING: Mentions of self-harm. Angst.
1. Chapter 1

**I've never written anything like this before, so, obviously, it's different from all of my other works. **

**WARNING: Angst. Contains self-harm. Do not read if it will trigger you, _please. _That's the last thing I want. **

**I do not own Glee.**

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Trembling hands frantically worked, digging through drawers, looking under random items, searching, to find what they desperately needed.

It was here yesterday- he'd just put it here yesterday- and he needed it. He _needed_ it right now. He didn't have time to go out and get more, he had to-

Ah.

There.

Blaine visibly relaxed as his hands located it and he pulled it from the drawer, letting out a small sigh of relief as it reflected in the light.

Thank god. He needed this today.

Silently, he opened his bedroom door and looked down the hallway, making sure he wouldn't be seen. His parents didn't need to know. The coast was clear and with another sigh of relief, he quickly walked across the hall and locked himself in the bathroom. His sanctuary. The place where he had control.  
The control that he needed in his life; the stability that made him able to function.

He needed this. He needed the cutting. With every slice of the blade he felt the tension melt from his body; the stress of high school, college applications, and missing Kurt- his beautiful, amazing Kurt- just seemed to go away when he cut. They were all washed away, down the drain with his crimson blood. Just what he needed.

His steady hand brought the razor across his skin, leaving a perfect trail of red behind it. One after the other, down his arm.  
Of course, he his these marks under bandages, which he covered with his long sleeved shirts.

No one else knew.

No one else could know. They couldn't find out.

This was Blaine's secret. This was Blaine's coping.

And it was something he was keeping to himself.

He knew it wasn't healthy and that he would be forced to stop if anyone found out. His razor would be thrown away, his cuts would be healed, and he would no longer have control.  
But he knew he would go crazy without it. The stress would be too much for him, he wouldn't be able to handle everything in his life right now...

With Kurt gone, he felt alone in Lima. His heart was in New York with the love of his life, and until the day he graduated high school and got to join him there, he would be coping.

Coping on his own, with his razor.

Just what he needed.

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**I dunno what compelled me to write this, but I wanted some angst. Eh. **

**Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, it looks like I'm going to continue this story. It was probably tonight's episode of Glee that put me in an angsty mood and inspired this, but... yeah. I hope you guys like it, and thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter!**

**WARNING: Contains self-harm.**

**I do not own Glee.**

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Blaine didn't understand what he'd done wrong.

He'd been doing everything he was supposed to- texting Kurt, calling him, Skyping him- yet he could feel his boyfriend pulling away. Even though Kurt was all the way in New York and Blaine was in Ohio, things just seemed different.

He knew it had something to do with the guy that Kurt had met.

Blaine had first learned about this new friend the other night on Skype, where Kurt didn't hesitate to fill him in on all the details about Chance. Chance the new friend, Chance the new study buddy, Chance the new shopping companion... all the things that Blaine used to be, but no longer were able to considering they were states a part from each other.

At first, he had been happy that his boyfriend had been able to find a companion to spend his time with. He knew that with the distance, Kurt had been feeling bummed about not being able to see Blaine and oftentimes missed him terribly. But, this new friend would provide a distraction of sorts for Kurt and hopefully make him happier, which was something that Blaine wanted. He would do anything to see that the love of his life was happy.

However, when the usual texts from Kurt suddenly stopped... Blaine got nervous.

His thoughts immediately went back to the Whitney week- the week last year when he had found out that Kurt had been talking to another guy. What was his name? Chris? Chaz? Chandler?  
...Hell, Blaine didn't really care about what the guy's name was; he just remembered how much it had hurt when he felt Kurt pulling away. When he stopped getting texts from him. When he felt like he was going to lose him...

It was starting to feel that way now. Kurt hardly responded to his text messages anymore, not even the cutesy ones that used to make his boyfriend blush and smile with delight, and Blaine just didn't understand. His daily good morning texts were going ignored; his random _'Hello beautiful'_s weren't responded to; his calls often went straight to voicemail.

It hurt a lot.

He'd thought Kurt realized how much he needed him when he'd expressed his worries about New York. When he'd told him how alone he would feel. How his life wouldn't be the same because his love wouldn't be with him.  
He'd also thought that everything would be okay when Kurt assured him that he wasn't going anywhere. That we wouldn't lose him. That he wouldn't be alone.

Well. Now it felt like those assurances had been... a lie or something.

It was all too much for the curly-haired teen to handle.

So Blaine turned to cutting yet again.

He'd told himself that he wanted to stop a few weeks previously. He had gotten better by not cutting as frequently and not leaving as many marks when he did cut, but... well, he'd sort of relapsed. He_ needed_ it right now. Kurt- his rock, his heart, his_ life_- was pulling away, and he needed a way to make sure he stayed in control. He had to have a way to stay calm and grounded.

And until things with Kurt returned to normal, Blaine would be with the only other companion he had- his razor.

With every slice he felt that maybe he wasn't worthless, and maybe Kurt did still love him after all. He felt like he could be in control of the situation and not worry, because his stress was just melting away...  
Or floating, really. Floating down the drain, with his blood.

Either way, he didn't care. All he knew was that when he had his razor, he felt okay. And that was all he really wanted in the end.

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**I feel depressed. Meh. Review?**


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